An Odious Aromatic Epidemic

It's quite isolating when you realize you are in the vast minority of opinion on a subject. That said, I can't help but verbalize how utterly baffled I am by America's obsession with fragrances. Not a single commercial break lilts by without at least three wholly separate olfactory assaults. Concentrated artificial scent gives me a severe headache, but more than that, I just can't wrap my head around the idea of wanting everything to smell like something else. Do we really want our washed clothes to smell like Mountain Breeze Citrus Blend instead of the pleasant subtle scent of freshly laundered cotton? Are our meals so lacking in flavor that we need the extra gusto of Juicy Green Apple and FD&C Yellow #5 embedded into our dishes? Are our houses so full of nasty offending smells that we need plug-in air fresheners that reactivate with Flower-berry Harvest every 8, 12, or 18 minutes?

That's not to say that all scents are bad. There's a certain pleasant romanticism about a light feminine perfume or a coconut-y shampoo. But when people put on enough that you can smell them from six feet away and so thickly that the residue from their hands left on a shopping cart can subsequently apply so much to your own that you cannot remove it after three thorough hand-washings, it just seems to me there is something egregiously wrong with everyone's noses.

So, as a quick off-the-top-of-my-head experiment, I'm going to make a list of a series of scents that the average person, if they don't labor on the way m0re difficult than it should be task of purchasing fragrance-free products, will apply to their person in the day.

Shampoo ~ Fresh Rose and Herbal Blend
Conditioner ~ Tropical Coconut
Lip Gloss/Stick ~ Strawberry
Make Up ~ Unidentifiable but none the less-labeled "Fragrance"
Shaving Cream ~ Again, unidentifiable "Fragrance"
After Shave ~ Burns so good
Toothpaste, Floss, and Breathmints ~ They all smell the same, so let's just keep it simple.
Deodorant ~ Zesty Cinnamon Spice!
Bar of Soap ~ Irish Springs, apparently.
Hand Soap ~ Dial Special Blend of Noxious Fumes
Laundry Detergent ~ Mountain Breeze, from some unknown continent of nasty
Fabric Softener ~ Spring Breeze, which is apparently totally different from the Mountain variety.
Body Lotion ~ Because Irish Springs isn't enough
Fragrant Tissue ~ God forbid your posterior isn't rose petal scented
Air Freshener ~ Flowery Garden or Christmas Tree, pending if you spend more time at home or in the car
Fragrant Feminine Hygiene Products ~ This is just...WTF on every level. I'm sorry
Perfume or Cologne ~ Celebrity du Jour

Of course, the list is weighted to women, but even if we toss out a handful, the average person has at least a dozen completely conflicting scents on their person. One dozen smells. Even if you loved any of these smells to death, what would be the point anymore?

I just don't get it.